


they hate you, I'm sure

by sign_from_god_complex



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I live for that kind of thing honestly, Platonic Cuddling, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 23:34:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17651816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sign_from_god_complex/pseuds/sign_from_god_complex
Summary: Patton could handle it; Patton had to handle it.And he was! Until he wasn’t. One minute he’d been getting ready to go to bed for the night and the next he was holding back tears, sinking to the floor in an attempt to find a little more comfort.Or, Patton needs some reassurance, but he doesn’t feel like he can ask for it.





	they hate you, I'm sure

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is from Patton’s pov, but I decided it could be my contribution to Deceit’s birthday! It was the best I could do on short notice, and I always forget these birthday things are coming up until then they’re here and I’m not prepared, haha. I hope it's alright!!! If you leave a comment you own my entire heart (but you do have to share it with every other person who leaves a comment) <3 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr!! ~ [sign-from-god-complex](https://sign-from-god-complex.tumblr.com) ~

Patton pressed a hand to his mouth, attempting to muffle the sobs that were slipping through.

He didn't really know what had caused him to cry. Sure, he'd been feeling a little down in the dumps recently, but he could handle it! He had to handle it. He owed it to the others to keep it together.

Logan was struggling a lot at the moment trying to understand his emotions and how he was feeling. Things had been hard for him recently—he was never really one for self-reflection, it was the kind of thing he’d readily leave up to the others—but he was trying his best to figure things out. Patton had caught quite a few more displays of emotion on Logan’s face within the past week or so, but he didn’t draw too much attention to it, worried Logan would get self-conscious.

Patton couldn’t go to Logan though. He was already overwhelmed and it would just be mean of Patton to add his emotions onto that.

Roman was still hiding his insecurities pretty well—not well enough to stop Patton from noticing, but feelings were Patton’s job. Roman had a surprising amount of self-hatred buried in that heart of his, and it hurt Patton to even think about it. Roman had come to him on more than one occasion, spouting how nothing he ever did was good enough and how inadequate he felt. Patton had tried his best to help, but some things were a bit beyond his ability. That didn’t mean that Roman didn’t come out of his room feeling better than when he entered it, but it was a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

Still, Roman was trying his best to come to terms with the fact that it’s okay to make mistakes. He was growing, he was getting closer to a good headspace. Patton couldn’t disrupt that process.

Virgil was... actually probably doing the best out of all of them, but nonetheless, Patton couldn't bother him. The idea of Virgil being upset, the idea of Patton being the one to upset him? That was one of the worst things he could imagine.

So, Patton could handle it; Patton had to handle it.

And he was! Until he wasn't. One minute he'd been getting ready to go to bed for the night and the next he was holding back tears, sinking to the floor in an attempt to find a little more comfort. Nothing had even happened! He hadn't broken anything or made a mistake! There was no reason for him to suddenly start crying, but he had all the same.

He drew his cat hoodie a little closer around his frame, trying not to shake too much with the sobs making their way through his body. He had to be quiet; he had to keep this from the others. It wasn't fair to make them worry about him when they had so many things of their own to worry about.

Patton was fine. He was fine. _He was fine_.

Patton heard a distant chuckle from the centre of his room, and he pushed his head up— _when had it fallen?_ —just enough to see a pair of yellow pyjama pants.

Deceit.

He shoved his head back down, hoping that maybe if he ignored him he would leave. Patton wanted desperately to ask Deceit for reassurance or comfort, but he couldn't. He shouldn't be bothering others with his problems. Heck, he didn't even know what his problems were.

"Patton, Patton, Patton," he heard Deceit say, voice smooth, "Lying to yourself ag-"

Deceit stopped short, and as much as Patton wanted to look up and see what expression the other side was displaying— _disgust? pity? hatred?_ —he didn't dare move.

"Oh."

The word was quiet. Surprised. Definitely not at all what Patton had been expecting.

In a second, there was a body at his side, pulling him gently so he unwound from the ball he'd wrapped himself into. An arm snaked around his waist, pulling him closer towards the other side and Patton melted into it. He could feel a hand running gently through his hair and he choked back another sob.

He shouldn't allow himself to be comforted. He was supposed to be happy, he  _should_ be happy, there was no reason for him to be so sad. But he was selfish, soaking up all the affection from the other side that he could get. Wanting to be taken care of for once, even if he hadn't earned it.

"Patton," Deceit's voice was soft, the stroking of Patton's hair pausing for a moment as he looked at Patton questioningly, "Would you like me to get one of the light sides? I'm sure _none_ of them would be better at this than I am."

Patton whined, shaking his head vigorously. He couldn't let them know he was upset. It wasn't fair on them. A few more tears slipped down Patton's cheek and he resisted the urge to bury his head into Deceit's shoulder. He was already asking too much of him, he shouldn't invade his space any more than he already had.

Deceit looked slightly lost at that, but his hand returned to Patton's hair anyway. Deceit wasn't incredibly warm, the way Roman was, but he also wasn't as cold as Virgil. He seemed to match Patton's temperature quite well, almost to the point where Patton wondered if there was some kind of body heat feedback loop happening here. Deceit was part-snake or something, wasn’t he? Was that how cold-blooded animals worked? Patton made a mental note to ask Logan about it later.

At the thought of Logan, Patton's tears started up again. He shouldn't be going around crying at nothing—it was  _illogical_ —and if Logan was here now Patton knew he'd tell him so. He should just get himself together! He should be okay!

Why wasn't he okay?

"Lie."

Deceit's voice was kind. Patton jerked his head up, wiping messily at his eyes before looking at the other side. He seemed... sad. Patton felt grief overtake him, too sudden and harsh for him to do anything but stare. He made someone else upset; he should have just told Deceit to leave him alone; _this was all his fault_.

"Lie," Deceit said again, more firmly this time.

Patton sniffed, trying to get his emotions under control enough to speak.

"What- What's a lie?"

His voice wavered despite his attempts and Patton winced slightly at the sound.

"It _is_ illogical to cry over nothing, and it's definitely _not_ a common occurrence when an individual is under a lot of stress," Deceit said, “Oh, and you _certainly_ haven't been under any stress... what? Taking care of all the others? Making sure they eat and get enough sleep? Lending an ear and providing comfort when _they're_ upset?"

"But that's my job!"

Sure, Patton may have been working a little harder than usual recently, but he had to! He had to be the one to keep everyone's spirits (and fluids) up; they weren't going to do it themselves and it was so important that they stay happy and healthy.

"Yes, and providing ideas is Roman's job, and we all know he's never had any trouble with that _at all_. In fact, if he were to have some difficulties, you would most definitely turn him away. Tell him that he was bothering you and that he should be able to 'handle it' since it's his job, right?"

Patton gasped. The thought of sending Roman, feeling dejected and unloved, back out into the hallway without the support that he needed brought tears to his eyes again. If he ever did anything like that then he truly would have failed as a friend.

"No! I would never do that!"

Deceit raised an eyebrow. Patton realised the point he was trying to get at.

"Oh."

"Indeed. They _aren't_ adults, Patton,” Deceit continued, “They should _absolutely_ depend on you, and the relationship you have is healthy for you both, _I'm sure_. You _obviously_ couldn’t try talking to them. You're _definitely_ not allowed to have an active say in a relationship you're a part of. If you're feeling like you're giving 200% and getting nothing back, well, all the better to sit down and shut up about it, right?"

Patton was going to agree—he knew that Deceit was trying to make a point here, but really it was better to keep his issues to himself so he wasn't bothering the others—but Deceit spoke up again before he could.

"I mean, if our sweet Virgil was having issues with how he was feeling in a relationship, that's what _you'd_ want him to do, isn't it?" Seeing the absolutely devastated look on Patton's face, Deceit gave a reassuring smile. "You _shouldn’t_ treat yourself the way you treat others, Patton, it's only fair. _Don’t_ have faith that your friends would be just as appalled at the idea of leaving _you_ alone to suffer as you would them. They _hate_ you, after all."

Patton let Deceit’s words wash over him for a moment. He was right. Maybe Patton hadn’t given the other sides enough credit. Patton may feel like he’s burdening the others with his issues, but maybe they feel the same way when they come to him for reassurance. And it’s not true! Patton would rather they came to him than felt miserable all by themselves! And if he’d stopped and thought for a second, maybe he would have realised that the others probably felt the same way.

Patton sighed. He gets caught up sometimes in all his mother-henning and taking care of his kiddos that he forgets that they _aren’t_. They aren’t kids. Sure, sometimes they act pretty childishly, but they _are_ capable of taking care of themselves (to some extent). Maybe he needs to take a step back. Give himself a break.

Gosh, he’d been silly this evening.

“Thank you,” Patton whispered, throwing a small smile in Deceit’s direction, “You’re right. I need to take of myself too, but I don’t think I would have realised that without your help.”

Deceit hummed. “You’re _not_ welcome. I’ll _never_ do it again.”

He began to stand, likely in preparation to sink out, but Patton grabbed his arm before he could. Deceit turned a questioning look on Patton and in turn, Patton took a deep breath. He’d already worked up his courage this far, might as well go for it.

“You don’t… have to go… if you don’t want to.”

He bit his lip, trying to direct his eyes away from Deceit’s searching gaze.

“I _understand_ ,” Deceit said slowly, but he made no further moves to stand up. Patton took that as a good sign.

“Well, I just… I get lonely sometimes when I’m sad,” Patton began, “and I was wondering if you wanted to stay and cuddle?”

At Deceit’s shocked expression, Patton blurted out, “Only if you want to though! The others’ll sometimes cuddle me when I’m sad but I know you’re not the others so you only have to do what you’re comfortable with an-”

“ _Patton._ ”

Patton shut his mouth.

“I-” Deceit furrowed his brow and Patton felt bad all over again. He hoped his question hadn’t distressed Deceit too much. Yes, he wanted cuddles, but he didn’t want them at the expense of other people’s wellbeing.

Deceit looked around for a moment before finally settling on, “ _Why?_ ”

Patton blinked. Why? Why _what?_ Why was Patton sad? Why did Patton want cuddles when he was sad? Why did Patton want cuddles from Deceit specifically-

Wait, no, it was probably that one.

Patton put on one of his kindest smiles. It was the smile he’d use when he was reassuring Roman that his work was truly excellent, or when he was praising Logan for sleeping a whole 8 hours, or when he was thanking Virgil for doing something outside his comfort zone for the betterment of the others. It was a smile that never failed to make the other sides melt, but Deceit mostly looked startled.

Patton’s smile almost faltered before he decided to double down. He was going to get through this, it was important.

“Deceit, you are a part of Thomas, the same way we are. Sure, you’ve done a couple things I wouldn’t consider to be _great_ necessarily, but just like Virgil in the beginning, you’re only doing what you think is best for Thomas. The _intention_ is there. You’re not bad or evil, you’re just doing what you think is right. And maybe there was a better way to go about it, but I don’t hate you for it. At all.”

Deceit blinked a few times before nodding his head slowly, still mostly in shock. Patton pretended not to notice the tears in his eyes and instead stood up, grabbing Deceit’s hands and pulling him up with him.

“Plus,” Patton said with a gentle smile, “Roman is like the sun with how hot he is and Logan and Virge always sap away all my heat; you’re a really good temperature.”

Deceit looked like he was a little more present now, but he still seemed quite unsure about the whole situation. Patton hoped that didn’t mean he’d turn down his offer to cuddle; he was really excited now that he’d worked himself up to it.

Cuddles with the others were each exciting in their own unique ways.

Roman’s cuddles were warm and almost overwhelming. With Roman, Patton felt loved and appreciated. He knew that he was safe to feel whatever he needed to feel without an ounce of judgement. Roman’s cuddles were good for when Patton needed reassurance, needed Roman pressing gentle kisses against his face and holding him close. His cuddles were active, full of subtle movements.

On the other hand, Logan’s cuddles were passive. Logan cuddled like it was just another thing he was doing. That was okay though, his cuddles had their purpose. Logan’s cuddles were good for when Patton felt overwhelmed and afraid, for when he needed Logan to tell him useless facts and just be with him. He was a solid presence, which sometimes it exactly what Patton needed.

Virgil’s cuddles were the Goldilocks’s’ middle ground between active and passive. Virgil’s cuddles reminded Patton of sensory deprivation. They were all-encompassing and firm, causing Patton to forget everything outside of the pressure on his body and the sound of their heartbeats echoing in his ears. It was like the delicate cover of nighttime, where you’re soft and safe and sleepy. Virgil’s cuddles were good for getting Patton out of his own head and to a place where he’s aware of himself, calming him and keeping him calm until he slowly falls asleep.

Patton couldn’t wait to see what Deceit’s cuddles were like.

He tugged Deceit over to his bed before taking a seat and looking up at him. “Cuddles? No or yes?”

“If that _isn’t_ what you want, Patton.”

Patton frowned. That was not a yes, he needed a yes. Or, a _no_ , technically.

“I only want to if you’re comfortable with it,” Patton reiterated.

Deceit looked hesitant, before slowly nodding his head. “ _No_ , I _don’t_ think that would be fine.”

Beaming, Patton tugged Deceit’s hands until they were a mess of limbs on the bed, untangling themselves before locking into place in a more secure way. Patton rested his head against Deceit’s chest and Deceit wrapped his arms around him best as possible, running his hands up and down Patton’s arm a few times before settling.

It was… uncomfortable. Patton frowned. This wasn’t right.

He turned his gaze up to meet Deceit’s eyes. “You’re not enjoying this.”

“Well, you _didn’t_ want comfort, right?” Deceit looked uncertain. “I’m _not_ trying to provide you comfort.”

Patton sighed. “I just want cuddles, however you want them. Don’t worry about comforting me, happy cuddles are enough on their own to do the comforting.”

There was a look of indecision before Deceit was moving, removing himself from the embrace they were in and waiting for Patton to adjust his position, before worming his way under Patton’s arm. He tangled their legs together, threw an arm over Patton’s stomach and exhaled.

_Oh._

This was… this was soft. Quiet. Calm.

This was perfect.

It was something he hadn’t even noticed was missing from his cuddles with the others. When they cuddled Patton, _they_ cuddled Patton. Whether it was firm or passionate or almost absent, Patton felt focused on. He felt like the centre of the universe. And it was wonderful! He liked that attention!

Here, though, he felt like he was holding something precious. Whether that was Deceit himself, the quiet moment they were in, or something else entirely, Patton didn’t know. But he did know that he needed to keep it; hold on to it as best he could.

Patton drew mindless patterns on Deceit’s skin, listening to the slow inhale and exhale of his breath as he gently drifted off to sleep.


End file.
